He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
