I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
