i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just high enough for therapy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
