This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
