Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
