8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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