aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
