dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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