dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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