I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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