I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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