were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
