how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All the doctor said was why
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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