I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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