best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
