Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
