you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
