So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
