I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We have started to decorate penises.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
