So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
