The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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