I'm pants shitting drunk right now
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
