dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
