I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
