Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
