it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
