Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
