are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
