the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
