VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
