she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
