i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Did I show you my penis last night?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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