So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize