Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
