i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
