I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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