remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
