yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
