I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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