It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That accounts for only three of the penises
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
