Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This is the high leading the old right now
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
