the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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