Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
where does the pee come out of this thing
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
