Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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