so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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