he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
