Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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