i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
