I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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