Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Everything about him screamed your future.
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he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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