we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
