I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
