so explain again why im purple
no
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
