I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
