After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
