Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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