Its about making memories worth repressing
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
