When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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