this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
