he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
