Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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