You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
