i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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