YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
