I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
