are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
