He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
