Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
