How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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