Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
