I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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