Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wear drunk well.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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