I'm going to jail i love you
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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