I want to stick my p in your. b.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
