You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
